@jammiiepants: Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver
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@canadasandra: in hell your cat can talk and he openly judges you for everything he saw you doing when you were home alone
@Fickle_Filly: Lies I tell at work: ~ I'm sorry I said that ~ I didn't mean to offend you ~ It won't happen again ~ Of course I don't think you're an idiot
@Douchekevin: Girlfriend told me she wants me to pull her hair , but apparently not while she's driving. Girls are weird.