@Soberphobiccc: Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver.
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@jeffswarens: Boss: Everyone is behind schedule and making excuses. Does everybody here think I'm an idiot Me: Don't ask. They swore me to secrecy.
@Reverend_Scott: ????LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR ????LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR ????LET THE BODIES HIT THE- "Carl, you're fired. You're a horrible mortician."
@thenatewolf: Me: I have a secret *I take off my wig* Her: I don’t care still I love you *I smile, take off my bald cap* Me: you passed the final test