@ilovepie84: Sometimes I drown cookies in milk in front of their family until they tell me the whereabouts of the Keebler Elves.
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@CopBroughtPizza: i just found that children's tylenol is made for children, not out of children, and i feel relieved. but that could just be the tylenol...
@DaHess1: If you're a white guy and walk into Home Depot without wearing sunglasses on top of your head, they legally don't have to sell you anything.
@slyoung5: You're suppose to wear clean underwear in case you're ever in an accident. I wear a new pair of shoes every day in case a house lands on me.
@Brampersandon_: LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD: grandma what big eyes you have WOLF: u really think I look like ur grandma? I should eat u just for that u dumb shit