@ilovepie84: Sometimes I drown cookies in milk in front of their family until they tell me the whereabouts of the Keebler Elves.
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@elonmusk: Apparently, some customs agencies are saying they won’t allow shipment of anything called a “Flamethrower”. To solve this, we are renaming it “Not a Flamethrower”.
@prettysadmostly: i can guess how someone will die based on their clothes date: what about me? Hawaiian themed bathroom fire
@primawesome: Did you know there's a type of spider that eats snails and uses the shell as armor to attack birds? That's not true. I'm sorry.
@JasonLastname: Target can refuse you a job, but they can't stop you from asking the guests in dressing rooms if everything's fitting ok