@theshamingofjay: Sometimes I end up watching cartoons after my kids have left the room. On a related note, has anyone seen my kids?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@LeviathanPride: Why did the US invade Iraq when Steven Seagal's ponytail contains 85% of the worlds natural resources?
@briangaar: At this point, I'm pretty sure the main reason Donald Trump ran for president was to get more Twitter followers
@AimeeHelene1: Me: You won't believe the dream I had last night! I slapped you in the face with a hot pizza. Him: M: *looks down* *sees pepperoni all over*
@KevinBuffalo: My wife is: 1) Am amazing mom and a great friend 2) Still the most beautiful girl I've ever been with 3) Now following me on Twitter