@theshamingofjay: Sometimes I end up watching cartoons after my kids have left the room. On a related note, has anyone seen my kids?
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@Manda_like_wine: She often thinks about what life may have been outside the asylum, had the cashier refrained from putting her change on top of the receipt.
@AngelaEhh: My bladder has been tested on this road trip. I still don't know how far a 'mile' really is but I can drive 75 of them before I have to pee.
@topaz_kell: [impatiently yells] "What do I have to do to get a margarita around here??" And that's when I got kicked out of Dairy Queen.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [bar trivia night] and remember no using your phones unless it's an emergency me: [five minutes later] hello 911? are butterflies insects?