@meganamram: "Sometimes I feel like a woman trapped in a woman's body" - Russian nesting doll
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@HiddleDeeDee: "There is a policeman in here and he will ARREST YOU." And other inspirational things I say to my kids when we're in public.
@runawaycupcake: If I had known what cleaning a toilet is like with a husband and two sons I would've become a lesbian.
@Laser_Cat: I'm sorry Mr. Simmons. I really enjoy babysitting little Timmy, but I'm only 14. I need real money, not bitcoin.
@joejwest: DAD: Sorry it's not a pony, honey. Best I could do LITTLE GIRL: [riding gigantic earthworm] This is Princess Doomtube. She shall be feared