@sammyrhodes: Sometimes I feel like Valentine's Day was invented by a guy who had way too many chocolate covered strawberries.
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@ericarhodes: If I was a fashion designer Id call myself "who" so when celebs are asked who are they wearing they can say "Who?" "Yes who?" "Yes."
@Prof_Peejay: Her:"What do you do?" Me:"I teach astronomy." Her:"OMG!! I'm a Sagitarius! Can you see my future?" Me:"Yes, you'll go home alone tonight."
@QwertyJones3: [phone rings] "Hello?" Hi, is your refrigerator running? "WTF?" ...well Hillary is! Hi, I'd like to talk to you about the Clinton campaign.
@matt___nelson: JESUS: so I'm u GOD: yes JESUS: and ur me GOD: yes JESUS: I don't get it GOD: I do JESUS: how can one of us get it & not the other GOD: whoa