@SteveDutzy: Sometimes I find myself feeling hopeful for the future of the human race but then I remember there are grown men who like My Little Pony.
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@squirrel74wkgn: [on a date] Her: *sneezes* Me: God- Her: *sneezes* Thank you Me: -dammit, what's taking the food so long?
@trentistweeting: [feeding baby] Here comes the plane! *baby swallows food* wow you just ate everyone on board. way to go you little jerk