@yonewt: Sometimes I get flustered by waitresses and I say things like "Abso-fruit-ly!" and they laugh like I'm so clever but we both know
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@MarlonBrandNO: [First Date] "Okay don't let her know you're a tool shed" Waiter: Anything to drink? Date: a screwdriver please *My head slowly opens*
@Brampersandon_: [office meeting] BOSS: Printer ink is costing us a ton. Any ideas on how to cut costs? SQUID: *looks up from phone* Why y'all lookin' at me?
@DrDogMD: NURSE: *bursts in* Dr., come quick! DR DOG: CHRIST, JULIE! Don't you knock?!? *hides magazine of sexy Labradoodles being sprayed with hoses*