@yonewt: Sometimes I get flustered by waitresses and I say things like "Abso-fruit-ly!" and they laugh like I'm so clever but we both know
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@iinkedZombie: My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
@TeaAndCopy: [SPELLING BEE] JUDGE: Tim, your word is "Oak" TIM: [deep breath] Ok *BUZZER* T: What th– J: So close! It's O-'A'-K T: But… J: Hard luck, kid
@RexHuppke: BREAKING: North Dakota lawmakers decide life begins at conception, and then begins again the moment you're old enough to leave North Dakota
@iamspacegirl: FISHING TRIP Joseph *casting his line*: Son, your mother thinks it's time I tell you- You're agodpted. Jesus *runs across the lake crying*