@yonewt: Sometimes I get flustered by waitresses and I say things like "Abso-fruit-ly!" and they laugh like I'm so clever but we both know
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@Rachelnoise: Every time I hold a baby I have to talk my ovaries down like a hostage negotiator. "18 to life, man. I KNOW IT SMELLS GOOD! Stay with me."
@AComicTragedy: Considering you can be anything you want on the internet, it's amazing how many choose to be stupid.
@KeetPotato: [firemen meeting] if we had a pole instead of stairs, we could get to the trucks much quicker *from back* "why dont we just sit downstairs?"