@nerdamage: Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own problems that I forget there are people having real fights on the internet.
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@WoodyLuvsCoffee: DOCTOR: You need to excercise portion control. ME: Thank God. For a second I thought you said I needed to exercise.
@sofarrsogud: WIFE: You know Hogwarts isn't real? It's just part of series of fantasy novels. ME: *chasing an owl around my garden* WHATEVER MUGGLE!!!
@isabelzawtun: *walks outside to see an abandoned post-apocalyptic desert, humanity wiped out, no one to be seen* "Ugh the ONE day my hair looks perfect"
@MartaEffing: When I'm with you, I'm breathless. My pulse quickens and I can feel my entire body getting hot. Also, you're a treadmill and I'm asthmatic.