@nerdamage: Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own problems that I forget there are people having real fights on the internet.
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@PaperWash: Your honor let the records indicate my client was upsexy Judge: what's upsexy? [lawyer whispers to defendant] quick, this is your chance
@bridger_w: Every time I think I've parallel parked in a space the size of a shoebox, I get out and find it's the length of two football fields
@PabloGSerski: Justin Bieber's to be the new face of Calvin Klein. Awful news given he does such a terrible job of being the current face of Justin Bieber.
@TheTweetOfGod: THE TOP TEN WORDS OF 2012!! 1. End 2. Of 3. Year 4. Top 5. Ten 6. Lists 7. Are 8. Exercises 9. In 10. Stupidity