@Sheila_Mac420: Sometimes, I just want to be taken seriously. And sometimes, I just want to be taken, seriously.
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@Barknado69: Today I saw "Jesus doesn't care about your grades" written on the sidewalk in chalk and all I could think was "Thank god, he'd be pissed"
@AristotlesNZ: 9yo: Look what I made! Me: What? 9yo: I taped 2 toilet rolls & made binoculars! Me: Great.*Holds up iPhone* This is what 9yos in China make.
@FrenulumBreve: Me:[grabbing my guitar] i wrote this for you. Her: awww. Me:*pulls note out of guitar hole* "we're out of cereal."
@ariscott: For someone so concerned with marriage licenses, God sure was focused on dinosaurs for 180 million years.