@Sheila_Mac420: Sometimes, I just want to be taken seriously. And sometimes, I just want to be taken, seriously.
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@leahloveslovely: Vodka bottles should come printed with a crisis hotline number to call in the event you feel like texting your ex
@EtobicokeErnie: Remember when you were a kid and the TV set in your basement weighed 8,000 pounds?
@TheRealHoff10: People keep asking me today "So you have a new boss?" No, I'm still with my wife.
@VerifiedJayy: My son: do kids that get bullied go to college? Me: no they go to the police academy