@Avepates: Sometimes I like to hysterically tell mall security that my infant son has gone missing just so I can show people baby pictures of myself.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ruinedpicnic: "Well boy," I yell to my dog, seated in the basket of my pushbike as we plummet to the rocks below, "naming you E.T. clearly wasn't enough."
@michaelianblack: Before we hang out, please be advised I will be spending the rest of the summer talking like Bane.