@jmhuntsinger: Sometimes I like to lie on the kitchen floor and pretend I'm a crumb.
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@roostermustache: Biden: can i put whoopee cushions under all the chairs before he gets here Obama: joe im on the phone Biden:*muttering* u didnt say not to
@Pork_Chop_Hair: You can tell a lot about a person by their reaction when you yell "look out!" while flicking a dinner plate at their head like a frisbee.
@Lowenaffchen: Hey girl.. you ready to [loudly toward the door] TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL *roommate sends in R/C truck with a bunch of condoms taped to it*
@DBMaxP: It's a good thing I'm off for a vacation soon. It took me 15 minutes of her talking about her Volvo before I realized she meant her car