@peteholmes: Sometimes I like to pretend an ! is just a ? squeezing through a tight space.
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@Cheeseboy22: Picking up this tiny piece of paper would take 1 second, but instead I am going to run over 100 times with the vacuum at different angles.
@Chumpstring: I didn't spend 8 years designing this hotel so I could listen to a bunch of touristy complaints about the small cameras inside the toilets.
@GregHenchman: I wonder if Scarlett Johansson ever fantasizes about fat comic book nerds, or is that just a one-way street?
@NATxHAN: Me: Santa, why are women so scary? Santa: dude come on, I make $8.50 an hour, get off me.