@thecrabbyhook: Sometimes I like to spend my Sunday afternoon being screamed at by a 5 year old for eating the sandwiches I made for her imaginary friend.
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@caseytduncan: Ooop, you spit-talked on me. I'm just gonna pretend nothing happened and freak out inside my mind.
@OtherDanOBrien: [Cat Businessmen] "Geez, Phil, you look exhausted. Being a new father is tough, huh." *sighs* I only got 16 hours of sleep last night.
@david8hughes: [cops knock on my door] "Sir?" "Nobody's home." "Who said that then?" "My dog." "Jesus Christ, well do u know when Mr Hughes will be back?"