@thecrabbyhook: Sometimes I like to spend my Sunday afternoon being screamed at by a 5 year old for eating the sandwiches I made for her imaginary friend.
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@myonlymizztake: Can you imagine being cryogenically frozen and waking up 100 years later? Your hairstyle would be so outdated, how embarrassing.
@salamingia: My wife said I'm picky. I said obviously not picky enough. Anyone need a roommate tonight?
@smilely_gal: 7: "Mama, if someone licked the treadmill, would that someone get sick?" Me: "Are you the someone?" 7: "Maybe" Holy hell.
@max_pad21: My wife just gave me that come hither look and when I come hithered she pointed to the trash