@myles_morrison: Sometimes I miss my real friends and then I think, screw them, they don't even star my tweets.
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@Christweetpher_: [jail] INMATE: so what are ya in for? BIG BAD WOLF: well I huffed and I puffed and then I got nabbed for possession INMATE: goddam pigs
@Tw1tter_K1tten: This medicine says I should not operate heavy machinery, so I guess I won't be doing laundry for the next two weeks. Safety first.
@DaddyJew: Imagine being rich enough you could take your car in to get looked at every time the check engine light came on