@myles_morrison: Sometimes I miss my real friends and then I think, screw them, they don't even star my tweets.
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@JimmySelfDest: I tripped over the dog a second ago and am hurting a little.Web md has it narrowed down to a sprained uterus or a dislocated cervix. So..
@Marlebean: It's like the only thing my kids learned from Snow White is that fruit is horribly poisonous.
@jonnysun: MAGICIAN: think of a card! ME: ok. MAGICIAN: is… this ur card? [holds up card that says "UGH I HATE MAGIC SHOWS THIS IS CRAP"] ME: holy crap