@mydanimarie: Sometimes I order Domino's but give them Pizza Hut's address. And when they show up and start fighting, just wait with my mouth open.
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@t_cuppp: Sit-ups are no fun, sharpie abs are definitely the way to go if you want permanent results.
@XoMiSsYoX: Told my coworker to shut up or I would slash his tires. He laughed, I laughed. Now I'm by his car with a knife and I can hear sirens. :(
@Reverend_Scott: ????LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR ????LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR ????LET THE BODIES HIT THE- "Carl, you're fired. You're a horrible mortician."
@BourbonHabit: I'm single with no kids. I don't answer to anyone. "Meow." Okay! I'm opening the can now! Please don't shred the toilet paper again!