@Underchilde: Sometimes I put a “for sale” sign in my neighbor’s yard and pray the power of suggestion works.
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@longwall26: I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.
@AmishPornStar1: Being attacked by a shark is frightening enough... But it's even more terrifying when you notice he also has a big cold sore on his lip.
@erica_rosie: I used to wonder what it'd be like to read other people's minds. Then I got a Twitter account, and I'm over it.