@jonmsutton: Sometimes I regret teaching my children an evidence-based approach to life #FathersDay
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@PostCultRev: Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. Better yet, dress for jobs that don't even exist. Werewolf psychiatrist. Clown assassin.
@EndhooS: [Don't let hot barrista know I'm a goose] "Can I get you a coffee?" Just a honk chonklate for me "A what?" CHOCOLATE, a hot chocolate plz.
@iwearaonesie: wife *sees chair* [thinking] That would look great with the new rug in the living room me *sees chair* [thinking] Chair