@MarionDowling: Sometimes I run across a room really fast so a spider sees me out of the corner of its eye and spends the evening worrying where I've gone.
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@buttgh0st: [at club] DO YOU WANT TO DO A HUMAN SACRIFICE "WHAT?" [does stabbing and offering motion] A SACRIFICE, DO YOU WANT TO DO ONE
@TheFunnySayings: My ceiling fan has 3 settings: 1. Very slow 2. Slow 3. I'm about to detach from the ceiling and kill you in a freak ceiling fan accident
@mstluvstrinkets: People dating on the internet have it so easy. Back in my day, a man would walk uphill both ways in the snow to disappoint a woman.