@MarionDowling: Sometimes I run across a room really fast so a spider sees me out of the corner of its eye and spends the evening worrying where I've gone.
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@GlumGeorgeLucas: I showed up at Disney headquarters uninvited I said I was there for a Rogue One cameo That's how I learned the security guards have Tasers
@mattZillaaaa: [on a 1st date] Me: I'm just looking to take things slow Her: *in a wedding dress* me too
@AaronFullerton: 1938: "It's a bird!" "It's a plane!" "It's... Superman!" 2013: "Is that a drone?" "Yeah, it's probably a drone."
@EvilSchwartzie: In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY. My best time so far is 7 min.