@Schmoodles: Sometimes I see a baby and think "Aww, I want one!" Then I find my TV remote in the fridge again and think "Yeah, maybe I'm not ready."
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@VenisVal: Boss: Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today? Me: It'll be higher quality and less tense for everyone if we wait? Boss: Today!
@FillWerrell: If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knees to chest damnit! KNEES TO CHEST
@murrman5: [determined not to have any awkward silence during date] "so, what's your favorite part of a banana?"
@RoastedPapad: [ Buzzfeed writer becomes a teacher ] "Kids today we will learn Alphabets. Here are 26 Alphabets that will blow your mind"