@meganamram: Sometimes I sit on my hand till it's numb so it feels like someone else is googling my name
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@BartenderMB: My girlfriend says I'm easily distracted during sex and it's a problem. Well, better get back to it. Bye.
@omgthatspunny: The store keeps calling me to come back and buy more bedroom furniture, but all I really wanted was one night stand.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Sorry, cancer kids. Our prayers are going elsewhere. RT @KimKardashian: So scared I'm not gonna make my flight to Australia! Pray I make it!
@stanleybehrman: Thank you Twitter for introducing me to brilliant people , but your suggestions of who is similar to me is making me reassess my life.