@mattwhitlockPM: Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
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@weinerdog4life: When I tell my wife I'm gonna have to work late she knows it's code for I was playing with super glue and I'm stuck to my desk again.
@NurseSeymour: Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he'll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
@IamEnidColeslaw: today I went for a run & a homeless guy was like WHAT ARE YOU RUNNING FROM & I was like EVERYTHING
@Try2StopME: If you cry every day in your relationship.. sit down, take a deep breath & ask yourself, "Am I dating a Human or an Onion?"