@jimmy_sharpe: Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
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@MidlifeDish: "This is the last time I'm going to tell you!" *Biggest lie parents tell kids "And I mean it." *Biggest lie parents tell themselves
@RideSallyRide69: Today I was on the treadmill for over an hour. I was so pleased with my progress that tomorrow I might actually turn it on
@squirrel74wkgn: [on first date] I'll have an iced tea, please. Waiter: Sure. Ummm...anything for the balloon with a woman's face drawn on it?
@AthenaMystique: Dear Google Maps, Don't insult me by telling me to head "southwest". If I knew where southwest was, I wouldn't be using you. Kthnxbye