@jilleb163: Sometimes I think I should introduce myself to my neighbors just so they don't describe me to the police as "Quiet and keeps to herself."
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@MrSpoonicorn: i hate it when i eat a slice of bread and it grows into a bread tree in my stomach
@nice_mustard: when super mario bros. was released in russia it was much less popular under the title "you are toilet man fight turtle monster"
@murrman5: *texts son "dont say me" as wife heads to his bedroom* wife to son: why did you put next years date on your science paper about time travel?
@Reverend_Scott: Superman's Google searches: "Strongest hero" "Strongest hero. Not Hulk" "Fastest hero" "Fastest hero. Not Flash" "Phone booth for sale"