@thetigersez: Sometimes I think I should try to be a better person, but then I remember I'm good-looking, so I'm, like, nah.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@daemonic3: [rolls down car window] "Sir there's a baby on your roof!" Wait, if the baby is there... [sees coffee strapped in car seat] Oh thank god!
@batkaren: What if life on Earth is just a video game for gods, and my guy has the crappy controller?
@TheZachCozad: Can't get a girl? Rip out your rib and make your own! Critics are raving "this doesn't work" and "I'm bleeding to death".