@iGreenMonk: Sometimes I try to eat healthy but my stomach's like "what if you die tomorrow?" and I'm like "good point" and I have a whole pizza.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Reverend_Scott: THIS IS THE COPS, COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP "No" WE WON'T ASK AGAIN "No" Ok guys, let's go. We can't ask again
@sad_tree: [getting my picture taking with the sports team mascot] "I know you're not really an armadillo"
@SatansTongue: *Filling out application* Sex: "no thanks" Well maybe I should write yes... I really need this job. You know what? Yeah sure I'll take sex.
@ClichedOut: Her: You look great without glasses Me: I don't wear glasses Her: *putting them back on* I do