@iGreenMonk: Sometimes I try to eat healthy but my stomach's like "what if you die tomorrow?" and I'm like "good point" and I have a whole pizza.
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@generaldietz: priest: you may now kiss the pride me: excuse me? priest: *motions to the other side of the altar where 7 to 8 lions with lipstick wait*
@DaddyJew: Plumber: why are there nachos in your shower drain? Me: why wouldn't there be nachos in my shower drain?