@junejuly12: Sometimes I want to kidnap a few woman for two to three weeks so that their eyebrows can grow without fear
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@GrantTanaka: First man discovered fire. Then he invented the wheel. Then there was, like, 500 years where he just kept setting the wheel on fire.
@HomeProbably: Relationship status: My neighbour/girlfriend was kidnapped but she's ok now, I was caught.
@jazmasta: I'd like to buy this EXTRA SMALL condom please. "Sir, that is a sleeping bag" *winks at cashier continually until she finishes her shift*
@knot_eye: I just vacuumed my dog to cut down on indoor shedding, if you're looking for a life coach or whatever.