@junejuly12: Sometimes I want to kidnap a few woman for two to three weeks so that their eyebrows can grow without fear
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@VestaTot: My coworker just took a broom and pole vaulted over the cubicle partition to confront the woman who accused her of being on speed.
@AstroKatie: You gotta feel for kids today, growing up in a world where all the good screen names are already taken
@LauraBenanti: I wore a leather jacket into a vegan restaurant and now I'm hiding in the bathroom.