@Carbosly: Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so I could hit 8 colleagues at once.
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@Bownuggets: Hate it when we run out of clean towels so I have to ride my white stallion Gregory up and down the driveway real fast to dry my mullet
@BigRadMachine: Me: *disappears for a few weeks* Friends: *No concern* Me: *Posts inspirational quote on FB* Friends: Dude, you okay? You need to talk?
@djdarrellripley: Her: Oh, a handsome man like you must be used to compliments. Me: Yes, but do go on...
@michelleisawolf: This weekend is daylight savings time, which means the clock on my microwave will be right again.