@MeetYourDaddy: Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap 8 people at once.
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@mikealfredcaine: saw your mum at the supermarket buying vaseline & cucumbers & nothing else, no wonder your dad died if that what she puts in sandwiches
@delusions_of: I wish when someone called me my phone had an "Accept", "Decline" and "Send Electric Shock" option.
@ARealTinderella: Whenever I tinker with the idea of a having a relationship, I go spend a night with my married friends.