@MeetYourDaddy: Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap 8 people at once.
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@JasonLastname: Sneak into the employee bathroom at Target and make some violent alien noises, maybe leave a jellyfish in the toilet
@DaddyJew: Legend has it that if you don't look a coworker in the eye they won't stop to tell you about their weekend.
@joerogan: Seth Rogen and James Franco having their movie pulled due to terrorist threats sounds like the plot of a Seth Rogen and James Franco movie.
@PineapplePtart: Be careful, newbies. Twitter changes you. I used to be Puerto Rican, now I'm Irish.