@emptydahl: Sometimes I wonder about those old mattresses in the alleys, the stories they could tell. The ones about me are lies of course.
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@stuckinaportal: *wife leaves message on fridge w/ magnets* WE ARET HROUGH maybe it's an anagram *rearranges* ROUGH WEATHER whoa better pack an umbrella
@HeyZeus666: If a baby like Justin Bieber is the face of teen angst and rebellion, then we've bubble wrapped our kids too tight.
@TheThomason: One nice thing about your 30s is people talk less about figuring themselves out and more about where the best sandwiches are.
@thepunningman: Farmer: I love my job Wife: But all you do all day is round up cows Farmer: What did you say to me? Wife: You herd