@emptydahl: Sometimes I wonder about those old mattresses in the alleys, the stories they could tell. The ones about me are lies of course.
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@gorrdano: McDonalds employees get so cranky when you perform the entire dance routine to Britney Spear's "I'm a slave for you" before ordering.
@BonaFideIntent: Drunk Draft Folder Contents: "Trees. LOL." "I was born once. Pickles." "Spice Girls" "Toes. Are on my feet. Both feet. Not just one."