@GrantTanaka: sometimes I wonder if Einstein's friends were ever able to say "nice work, Einstein" without sounding sarcastic
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@weinerdog4life: All I'm saying is if I'm not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign.
@Tierno158: I invented a game where people get so stoned they can barely walk & chase each other around the yard. It's called...wait for it: Hash Tag.
@MarlonBrandNO: Mom: Take out the trash *I take the trash on a lovely date* Mom: Not what I meant *I assassinate the trash in an ally* Mom: Still wrong
@simoncholland: I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.