@EliTerry: Sometimes if I trip on a crack I act like it's no biggie by breaking into a jog and don't stop until I'm in a new city with a new life.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 3-year-old: I pooped! I get a Popsicle! Me: You're potty trained now. You didn't get a reward anymore. 3: *realizes growing up was a trap*
@PaperWash: [death row] Guard: alright tough guy one last meal Me: a cyanide pill Guard: what? no we want to kill you! Me: too bad Guard: aw man
@copymama: Parenting is filled with wonder. Like wondering why your 4yo raced into the kitchen and quietly grabbed a handful of napkins.