@EliTerry: Sometimes if I trip on a crack I act like it's no biggie by breaking into a jog and don't stop until I'm in a new city with a new life.
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@thinkingparsnip: *sitting bolt upright out of a dead sleep* PANTS MADE OUT OF EGGPLANTS CALLED AUBERJEANS
@Sickayduh: "Doctor, tennis has caused bad pain in my forearms" -There's nothing I can do "There isn't?" -Not until you bring in your other two arms
@kelownagoose: Bought 17 a fanny pack for back to school to delay my becoming a grandfather too early.
@themorris23: On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker.