@TheTweetOfGod: Sometimes, if you believe in something hard enough and deeply enough, nothing happens.
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@scorpicpanda: When the imaginary zebras start sawing off your legs, it's time to lay off the hard stuff.
@ericsshadow: ME: I had salmon for lunch. WIFE: the L is silent. ME: Ha, I knew that. I meant unch.
@SSDated: This guy in the elevator asked for my number so I wrote it on his arm. Apparently he meant which floor, so that was awkward.
@AGStr8upNinja: I don't play mario kart with my brother anymore. Because we are both in our 20's & my mom is not there to split us up when we fight.