@ComedicBust: Sometimes I'll casually say "what else do you want?" on the phone, so the pizza guy thinks I'm ordering for more than just me.
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@BuckyIsotope: *doctor looks up* I'm afraid you have forgetting about 80's bands disease "Oh god what's The Cure?" *doctor sighs* It's worse than I thought
@JimmerThatisAll: The problem with Chinese food is an hour later you feel like hacking the Pentagon again.
@KyleMcDowell86: [job interview] "What's your biggest weakness?" "My honesty" "I don't think-" "I broke into ur house and made love to ur cat last night"
@AndyAsAdjective: [therapy session] THERAPIST: ok…I totally respect your feelings & you sound genuine…but that was just the plot of Jurassic Park ME: nuh uh