@Home_Halfway: Sometimes I'll go to a grocery store and rotate all of the Tide detergents 90 degrees and yell "THE TIDES HAVE TURNED!" until I'm kicked out
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@ItsSamG: My dog will literally sneeze in my face, but if I dare sneeze in the same room as him, he looks at me like I’ve offended him and 4 generations of his ancestors
@Darlainky: Forget the fire jugglers and sword swallowers, the most hazardous job at a carnival is guessing the age and weight of women.
@2tickytacky: "You've lost some weight." sounds suspiciously like "You were a disgusting fatso before, but I was too nice to say so.".
@ClichedOut: me: how much for the boquet of dogs girl walking dogs: huh me: *slipping her $5* how about now