@Home_Halfway: Sometimes I'll go to a grocery store and rotate all of the Tide detergents 90 degrees and yell "THE TIDES HAVE TURNED!" until I'm kicked out
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@psybermonkey: Genie: You get one wish. Me: I wish I had more twitter followers. Genie: Done. *vanishes* *Checks phone* Genie is now following you.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: My Roomba sucked up some cocaine & cleaned the entire house in 5 mins. Now my jewelry's missing & the Roomba's trying to bang the blender.
@mommy_cusses: I've resorted to stuffing my bra with car trash so I can get everything out in one trip, but thanks for carrying that sticker inside, son.