@Marcmywords2: Sometimes I'll purposely spill gravy
on my pants to give me an excuse
to leave early.
The real trick is sneaking the gravy
into church.
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@bakedbrotatoes: -You talkin to my girl? *pops knuckles* -What if I am? *cracks neck* *dislocates shoulder* *breaks collarbone* *fractures skull*
@chuuew: SEA LION 1: "More like shark *weak* amirite?" SEA LION 2: "Hahaha" SHARK: "Hey guys, what ya watching?" [Sea lions jump onto ceiling fan]
@iwearaonesie: wife: Where's the food? [flashback to me waving at a dog and forgetting to stop at the second window to pick it up] me: Dammit
@iwearaonesie: *makes sandwich* *sits down to eat it* *sees dog staring at me* *rips off small piece* *gives her the rest*
@dubstep4dads: "you okay man?" listen dude... i know what im doing *lights a cigarette backwards* ive seen Guy Code like six times
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