@abhorrent_wife: Sometimes I'll show my husband the chewed up food in my mouth just so he's reminded of the delicacy and beauty of the flower he chose.
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@heatherlou_: I went to high school with these people on Facebook, so I'm confused on how they didn't learn HOW TO SPELL.
@ClichedOut: Boss: Someone's been cutting corners. Me: Hey, that's unfair. Edward Scissorhands: (acting nonchalant) Yeah, I noticed that, too.
@Mike_Bianchi: Gurl are you Quantum Mechanics 'cause you got 10 different interpretations of everything, none of which fully corresponds with reality.
@FakeDeanAccount: Q: If you could be any animal, which one would you be? A: The drummer from the Muppets, next question.