@abhorrent_wife: Sometimes I'll show my husband the chewed up food in my mouth just so he's reminded of the delicacy and beauty of the flower he chose.
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@DothTheDoth: Dear diary, although he was a malevolent killer, the headless horseman was really well dressed. My emotions about this are confusing.
@ItsDanSheehan: Game of Thrones, at its core, has always been a show about how much it sucks to be a horse
@iwearaonesie: if you want your wife to take you seriously, don't throw your sippy cup during an argument
@AudreyPorne: him: what do u wanna be? me: I wanna be a cat that transforms into a misty fog when people try to pet me him: wtf, I meant for Halloween?