@Cheeseboy22: Sometimes I'll stop the treadmill at the gym and run in place. When people ask me what I'm doing, I'll say, "Pretend stoplight."
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@2tonbug: "Check, please!" - Me, at a restaurant begging the waiter to make sure there are no monsters under the table
@salamingia: Boss: you spend a lot of time on your phone! Me: you spend too much time watching me. Don't you have work to do?
@jergarl: The year is 2057: Friday the 13th part 573.... Jason finds a fabulous pair of shoes to match his outfit.