@TheSeanBrewster: Sometimes I'll take such a good picture of someone I'm like "this is definitely making it into the slide show at their funeral."
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@imence2: Maybe the dinosaur extinction was a murder suicide by the T-Rex. If I couldn't jerk off because my arms were to short I'd kill everyone too.
@Brampersandon_: WIFE: what's the name of that girl you work with? ME: which girl? WIFE: the pretty one ME: I feel like this is a trap
@sarcasticmommy4: I hate it when I go to hide out from my kids in the walk-in closet & my husband is already in there hiding out from me.
@CrackYouWhip: I tried to make a smoothie for lunch. Apparently, three frozen pizzas will break a juicer.