@SonOfCha: Sometimes I'm depressed and then a girl stars one of my tweets and it's like YAAAAYYYY NEW GIRLFRIEND!!!!!
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@Death_Buddy: Hey, did you say that your dog likes to 'exercise' or 'exorcise'? [dog is already throwing holy water around the house]
@Home_Halfway: "Come as you are. As you were. As I want you to be." ~ Kurt Cobain, confusing party coordinator
@Home_Halfway: "Let's do 5 sets of squats & then try lifting for an hour. It looks like you got out of shape after your dad died" ~ Really personal trainer