@dshack8: Sometimes I'm right.
Other times my wife is close enough to hear what I'm saying.
@Jenny4ashley: Siri, what kind of candy is in that van?
@aveuaskew: Installing home security cameras seemed like a great idea but explaining my dance offs with the dog was something I should've considered.
@mattgallo123: <job interview>
It says here on your resume that you are a "self-proclaimed man of few words." Would you like to elaborate on that?
@TheIronSherk: I can't believe how different life was before
Al Gore invented the Internet
@Kyle_Lippert: Avril: I want a divorce. You aren't a sk8er boi. So see ya later boi.
Chad: This is how you remind me of what I really am?!