@dshack8: Sometimes I'm right.
Other times my wife is close enough to hear what I'm saying.
@Jay_FrickinLynn: I accidently opened the fitness app and my phone immediately called to report itself stolen.
@ThaJawn: Coworker *parks Prius
Coworker 2 *locks bike up
Me *bounces by on jumping exercise ball made of recycled tires* POSERS!
@perfect_boxx: I was asked to name my top 10 most favorite books.
I don't have 10 so I just started naming insects.
@TechnicallyRon: My new erotic novel "Love in the time of autocorrect" will be out soon. Here is a sample
@KalvinMacleod: [pearly gates]
ANGEL: bad jokes are not allowed in heaven
ANGEL: that means absolutely no puns
*clouds turn to fire*