@dshack8: Sometimes I'm right.
Other times my wife is close enough to hear what I'm saying.
@SirEviscerate: I...do not understand how electricity works.
@davedittell: the doctors gnash their teeth and howl through the night, but they dare not breach the lines of my apple orchard
@BoogTweets: Mom: Your son still won't do his laundry. Talk to him
Dad: I'm not going in there
Dad: Last week I stubbed my toe on 1 of his socks
@ruinedpicnic: me: wow a pegasus
flying horse: actually Pegasus was just one horse we all have different names
me: oh whats yours
flying horse: Pegasus 2
@dorsalstream: As a child I was bitten by a regular, mildly venomous spider, and I've turned into a regular, mildly venomous person. The system works.