@SardonicTart: Sometimes I'm scared I'll miss my kids when they move out but then I find a bowl of cereal in the bathtub tub and I'm not so scared anymore.
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@ericacanrant: If you say I'm getting fat again Aunt Betty, I'll make a "anything for 5 dollars" ad on Craigslist with your name and number.
@AmandasNotFunny: I've always wanted to walk into a large room and be the most beautiful woman in there. But I'm scared of Walmarts :(
@ScottLinnen: Someone robbed a Pensacola WallMart of 300 cases of Red Bull. How do these people sleep at night.
@3sunzzz: Neighbor: Your dog barks a lot. Me: Isn't your kid the one that plays her recorder outside every summer? N: So? M: So, I can't help you.