@Parentpains: Sometimes in life you have to give the people around you a little push, into traffic.
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@weinerdog4life: One time my dad caught me doing homework and made me eat an entire pack of calculators
@better_off_dad: A simple smile can brighten someone's day... ...but a wide-eyed, toothy lunatic smile can keep them up all night.
@AimeeHelene1: Do poodle owners realize they just bought a dog with a shitty 1980s white girl perm?
@Andee_Stewart: The problem w marriage is communication. When I said I hoped he'd go down in a plane I meant more crash & burn, less on the flight attendant