@jenlaw_11: Sometimes in the 'special talents' section of a resume I like to draw a picture of a cat
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@LaniBeno: I ate the whole box of slim fast bars. So excited about how skinny I'll be when I wake up tomorrow.
@NotOnTheMoors: You could've cut the atmosphere with a knife; disapproval radiated from every doorway. I'd missed cat feeding time by two hours.
@karencreets: Blah blah blah employee handbook, just get to the point where you say if you're gonna drug test me or not
@david8hughes: [under heavy sniper fire] Platoon leader: where's that sniper fire coming from? Me [crying a fair bit]: a big gun with a telescope on it