@jenlaw_11: Sometimes in the 'special talents' section of a resume I like to draw a picture of a cat
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@rachelle_mandik: there is no way you can prove that babies grow and are not instead replaced overnight with entirely new but slightly larger babies
@Fred_Delicious: Ladies & gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking. If you look thru the left hand windows right now you'll see me doing the worm on the runway
@OhNoSheTwitnt: If Thor is a woman, what's next? Woman doctors? Woman lawyers? Woman mothers? When will it end?
@donjuantip: Your cell should have a 'drunk mode' like 'airplane mode' so that no text messages or tweets leave your phone but you can still call a taxi.