@jenlaw_11: Sometimes in the 'special talents' section of a resume I like to draw a picture of a cat
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@IronballsMcGinT: A man was arrested for publicly exposing himself to the "wrong person," which implies somewhere out there the right person is waiting.
@MatCro: ME: I'm off to that meeting BOSS: Forget something? M: Yes! [kisses boss gently on forehead] B: I meant your pen [whispers] but thank you
@WilliamAder: The only wisdom that comes with age is knowing which stores have the nicer restrooms.
@bonehugsnirony: The best way to move on after a breakup is to be open to trying new things. Today I'm throwing rocks at joggers.