@1Happytwit: Sometimes it's not about missing someone, it's about reloading and trying again.
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@ArfMeasures: ME: One time I was attacked by a shark REPORTER: Wow! [turns on recorder] tell us what it was like ME [leans in to mic] A massive fish
@noogscorner: Noah: A boat? God: Yes. Noah: Two of every animal? God: Yes. Noah: I have a better idea. God: What. Noah: Maybe don't kill everyone.
@kwirkyKerri: Most women have a love hate relationship with their scale, but I'm convinced mine goes out of her way to piss me off.