@TheTweetOfGod: Sometimes Jesus appears on toast, sometimes pancakes, sometimes waffles. Always on breakfast food. Why? It's the most important meal.
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@neiltyson: If I ever met a Space Alien, I’d resist shaking its extended appendage, not knowing for sure the details of alien anatomy.
@usermcuserface: My throat hurts, so I better keep swallowing 50 times a minute to make sure it still hurts.
@turtledumplin: Why do you look surprised in all your selfies? Didn't you know you were taking the picture?