@TheTweetOfGod: Sometimes Jesus asks himself, "What would some self-righteous hypocrite do?"
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@abbycohenwl: Bring an urn speed dating. Whenever a prospective match asks a question, whisper to urn, "I don't know, Mom: should I tell him?"
@iamhorcrux: Grading system for students in India: A - Average B - Below average C - Can't have dinner D - Don't come home F - Find a new family
@jewfacekilla: Him: Would you like to have lunch sometime? Me: I like to have lunch every afternoon.