@TheTweetOfGod: Sometimes Jesus asks himself, "What would some self-righteous hypocrite do?"
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@K_blue: Playing hide and seek in my office building because they can't fire you if they can't find you.
@FriskyOnWhiskey: If anyone's seen me at my best, and seen me at my worse, and still accepts me for who I am, it's definitely the liquor store.
@Tall_Yoda7: *struggling to get the peanut butter jar that I just closed open* "HOLY COW, I'M STRONGER THAN MYSELF"
@Jmboyd58: 2nd month dating: A thousand lifetimes with you would not be enough. 2nd month of marriage: OMG you are the loudest cereal chewer on earth!