@TheTweetOfGod: Sometimes Jesus asks himself, "What would some self-righteous hypocrite do?"
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@badbanana: There's no sticker warning me not to eat this box of nails so I guess I'll just go for it.
@jakob_huber: The worst part of Aquaman's day is when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.
@JeremyBRoberts: Scott Walker is dropping out of the Presidential race. In a nationwide poll of likely voters nearly 98% responded to the news with, "Who?"