@TEAMP2007: Sometimes my kid likes me, but I'm pretty sure it's only because I'm his Oreo dealer.
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@KyleMcDowell86: [Little Caesar's meeting] "We need a new, clever slogan" *everyone looks at Jim* Jim: Um... Pizza...Pizza? "Jim...U just saved this company"
@JennyJohnsonHi5: 'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo' is the reason I always donate money to Planned Parenthood.
@AbbyHasIssues: A group of crows is called a murder. A group of people walking slowly in front of me at the store is called a motive.
@E_lok44: I just found a Cheerio in my sofa and we don't have any Cheerios in this house. *eats it