@Bandersnaaatch: Sometimes my memory is not quite as good as my forgettery.
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@crushingbort: Ben Carson's book includes a story about single-handedly halting a bear attack during a school camping trip
@Marlebean: Friend zone?! I've been sister zoned! And if one more dude pats me on the head, I'm telling mom!!
@vulcan_kelly: My cat rolled on my weed tray and now half my weed is stuck in her fur......Do I smoke my cat?
@littlelady899: When someone says "Happy New Years" I wonder, how many years are they talking about?