@dumbbeezie: Sometimes my sarcasm doesn’t deliver well and people miss the message. Anyway that’s why I’m stabbing you.
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@momopface: WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You're an adult" every few minutes.
@dave_cactus: ME: *reading my tweets aloud* HER: *spits coffee out* ME: Aww was it that funny? HER: No, I just hate coffee.
@ShutUpThatsWho: [dog wedding] [Bride throws bouquet into crowd] [Groom catches it, gives it back to Bride] [Bride throws bouquet again] [Groom catches..